Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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