Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
