We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
