Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
