I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she peed on how many people?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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