So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
