In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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