totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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