you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
