you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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