then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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