its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
