He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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