Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize