He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
