Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
