all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
