My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
