just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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