I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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