So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
