She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
