i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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