well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
