In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
