Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
