He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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