She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
