Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
