P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
