her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
