How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
