You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize