WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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