we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize