Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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