dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
