Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm at about main and main street
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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