You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
