worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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