Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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