i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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