i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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