I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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