My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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