True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
