I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize