Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
