I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
