Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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