I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
