My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
