I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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