I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
