i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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