yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
