You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
