He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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