Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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