and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I need water and some morals
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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