i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
two words...techno handjob
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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