dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
