I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
