Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
