Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
