oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
