Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize