**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize