totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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