i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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