You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
