Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
