I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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