I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Will you blow on my dice?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
