can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
